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My reader responded to a blog post I had written.
Here’s what she wrote:
“You wrote a blog post about innovation. This is why I’m unhappy.
The money I lost in the investment I told you about was not just about me. I also invited my friends to invest, and they lost their money, too. Of course, they don’t blame me. It’s not like they lost the funds to buy medicine for their sick children. But these are not wealthy people. I don’t feel good about losing money for close friends.
I also mentioned this investment to several people who did not buy in. They made fun of my idea. It turns out they had every right to laugh at me.
Sure, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll still be able to take my friends out to dinner and pay for drinks. But if the stock had sold for one dollar a share as I hoped, instead of having no value at all, I could have retired. Instead, the goalpost has moved further away.”
I responded:
“Sure, you have every right to be sorry and regret that an investment you made didn’t turn out how you hoped. But after you’ve attended your well-deserved pity party, you should stop beating yourself up.
You made a good investment. It just didn’t turn out to be so good. It’s not like you lost your money in Bitcoin buys or Brooklyn Bridge bargains. You looked carefully into the company and the CEO and decided their plan made sense. And it did. It made sense at the time. It just didn’t turn out to make sense.
Just as ‘Fishing’ isn’t called ‘Catching,’ ‘Investing’ isn’t called ‘Earning.’
You win some, you lose some. If your risk tolerance is so low that you can’t accept that, you shouldn’t be in the game. There’s nothing wrong with sitting on the sidelines if that suits your temperament. But there’s no reason to believe you’re inherently flawed because you can’t stand the heat. Just step out of the kitchen.
Your dream about the stock hitting one dollar and changing your life was just that — a dream. You shouldn’t be upset that your fantasy didn’t work out any more than an alchemist should be upset that their fourteen-hundredth experiment didn’t turn lead into gold.
As Pogo said, ‘We have met the enemy, and he is us.’ That $1 value — and the subsequent riches it would have bought — is your version of Captain Ahab’s White Whale, Cinderella’s ‘Happily Ever After,’ and both my coveted NYT Bestseller status and my future sub-four-hour marathon.
Ain’t never gonna happen. And all the wishing won’t make it so.
As far as others following your lead (or laughing at your suggestion that they do so), that’s not your issue or your fault. You had an idea, put your money where your mouth was, and told others about what you were doing because you loved them enough not to want to see them miss out.
They were all big boys and girls, and they were free to make their own decisions. You didn’t deceive them. You didn’t say you were an investment expert. And you didn’t profit by their actions. You simply told them about something you thought was a good idea. They made their own choice to play or walk away. It’s not your responsibility what happened after that.
I get that you feel bad, but that’s guilt talking. You did the right thing. It just turned out wrong.
You took a shot. It didn’t work. Stuff happens. Let it go.”
A Blog Post
She wrote:
“You’re right. That was beautifully articulated. Thank you, I feel better.
You should post our conversation as a blog.”
I answered:
“I will…”
Thank you for your insights Bruce. Sorry things didn’t work out, but that’s the way it goes. “If you can’t stand the heat, don’t stay in the kitchen.”
Exactly Sue
Not to put too fine a point on it, Bruce, but perhaps the lesson was summed up well by Dirty Harry back in the day when he said “a man’s got to know his limitations.” As a professional advisor, I have seen many people invest in things they did not really understand. The right amount of humility and self-awareness would help you steer clear of things you are not able to properly analyze, and do things that make a lot more sense for the average person.
Imagine what good we could all do if we stuck to what we know, Roger.
On the other hand, I wonder how much innovation that would stifle. After all, you don’t know what you don’t know.
Love the Dirty HArry reference, by the way.
Learning to let it go… whatever the “it” may be, is one of the most valuable lessons life can teach you.
Makes you kinda wanna sing the theme song from FROZEN, doesn’t it?
The best lessons come from failure. However, it is a great success if you can turn it into a blogpost that will help other people make better decisions.
The best part was it wasn’t my idea — I never would have thought about sharing someone else’s lament. I’m glad she recommended it, though, and I’m glad you enjoyed it and commented. Thank you Rosemary.
Great followup. Clearly your friend is “a good friend to have”. True empathy for our friends is rarer then we think.
Great way to put it, Max. Thank you.