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Work-Life Balance is Hogwash:
Why Priorities Matter More Than Balance.
The Perception of Work-Life Balance: A Personal Story
When my son was little, my wife got a call from his teacher. The teacher felt very concerned and wanted to schedule a parent-teacher conference immediately.
Of course, we were also concerned and rushed to the school, terrified of what we might discover. We sat in the classroom’s tiny kindergarten chairs, fitting our knees up around our ears, and waited. Finally, after exchanging agonizing pleasantries for what felt like hours, the teacher got to the point:
“Last week, we did a Father’s Day project, and I asked the kids what their dads did for a living. Your son told me, ‘My dad travels all the time. He’s never home.’”
While it is true that I did travel for business, it’s not true that I was never home. Still, that’s how my six-year-old saw it, and perception is reality.
Balancing Work and Family: A Reality Check
That same morning, I ran into my friend Alex and stopped to have a cup of coffee and catch up. After I introduced him to another friend as “the most involved father I know,” Alex told me a story similar to my experience, except this time it was his daughter Micah and her teacher who were concerned about how much time Alex spent at work.
The funny thing is that Alex spends more time with his daughter than anyone I know except maybe a retired or unemployed dad who is always home. When it’s time for her to go to private school and then on to college, Micah will be happy her dad was busy building a successful business and earning enough money to pay for her tuition.
Redefining Productivity and Success
Of course, I’m talking about parents like Alex, who are smart, talented, successful, and educated and don’t have issues or disabilities standing in their way. But even with all his advantages, Alex understands that while it would be nice if work could always be fulfilling and not interfere with other parts of his life, work is first and foremost about accomplishing something worthwhile and being paid for the results.
Priorities Beat Balance Every Time
It’s not a matter of work-life balance. It’s a matter of doing what needs to be done. Work-life balance is hogwash.
How to Make Time for What Matters
Want to spend more time with your family?
Work less.
Want to spend more money?
Work harder. Or work smarter.
Want both?
That’s simple, too. Just figure out how to either earn more or desire less.
Don’t have enough time to work out?
Get up earlier.
Too tired to get up earlier?
Go to bed earlier.
Too busy to go to bed earlier?
Turn off the TV or log off of social media.
Ah… it’s simple, but it’s not easy. And while it’s not what most people want to hear, it’s the truth. There’s no balance. There is only deciding what’s important to you and moving towards it. There are only priorities.
Simple Steps to Align Your Priorities
As part of my year-end outreach activities to uncover new speaking gigs, I like to contact people at this time of year. I figure that many of them have some holiday quiet time and might be available to read my emails. So maybe that’s why I’m always surprised when I get automatic out-of-office email responses.
The Truth About “Me-Time” and Productivity
Sure, I understand when people are truly away from their electronic devices for vacation, focus, to spend holiday time with their families, or for a break from the constant “ping, ping, ping” of their phones. But almost nothing is more detrimental to work time productivity than returning to your workplace and responding to hundreds of unreturned emails after some much-needed me-time.
So, as we look for new ways to deal with the latest 24/7, always-on world, let’s remember that searching for balance is a 21st-century snipe hunt.
Strategies for Integrating Work and Life
Instead, maybe the real answer is combining your work and life into one comprehensive package of who you are. That way, you can simultaneously be more productive and more present.
What kind of friend is Rochelle?! If she thought you were playing for change, she should have slipped you a $20 bill and not walked away. Ha.
Always inspiring perspectives, Bruce. Thank you.
Great point Soren. And with interest she probably owes me $30 or $40 by now!!
Thanks for sharing. Great story. Perspective is everything!
Thank you David.
CHOAS
Is not order . In any book , especially the current conditions.
Great reading, Bruce. And so right! Thanks.
Charlie Rathburn
Thank you Charlie
Bruce, I loved your post. It caused me to reflect and realize something about my very amazing father, my son, and how complex this topic can be. Thank you!
Thanks for letting me know Raf. I appreciate you reaching out and I’m glad you found value in the post.
I think the most compelling point of this piece is its last line:
“Instead, maybe the real answer is combining your work and life into one comprehensive package of who you are. That way, you can simultaneously be more productive and more present.“
Over my own adult professional life I have experienced and observed in others a sort of schizophrenia . . . Dual personalities – the me me and the work me, and the snipe hunt, as you suggest, of maintaining separation.
I think an integrated whole is your point, which allows for establishing boundaries to protect priorities, and avoids the inefficient energy drain of attempting to maintain a dividing line between two different “lives” which usually ends up feeling like Sisyphus slogging up a hill.
Thanks for noticing that, Steve. I can only say that it works well for me, both by providing a sensible, fulfilling route and removing what you so aptly call “a sort of schizophrenia…”
Bruce,
Loved your post. Having raised 4 children about a year apart, I always grappled with this work life balance issue and now that I am older and looking back on those days, and my employment/self employment life, what worked for me was changing careers for different stages of life. I had the go for it stage….no kids wife who also worked (trading job) kids stage ….self employed (created small businesses) where I could pick which 8-14 hours a day I worked but never missed any kids events…and now kids grown and out of the house grandkids stage where my career is still challenging but totally mobile. (Contract pilot and vacation rentals) I see many people get stuck and with a lot of marital strife when they don’t adjust careers to fit the stage they are in. It is always a little challenging figuring out this transition but the old engineering motto works “define the problem and the solution is easy”always worked for me. Managed to stay married for 39 years to date this way and have a great relationship with my children. Maybe these thoughts will help someone. Feel free to delete and ignore!
“Delete and ignore,” Michael? Are you kidding? You’ve always been one of my shepherds on this journey, showing me how you’ve been able to walk the dangerously thin line between work, family, and personality. Your interview chapter in Is That All There Is? is a masterclass in aligning seemingly different parts of your life and personality into a cohesive whole. Thank you.
Work hard and play hard as the motto goes. Life is about creating memories with your family and friends. Having more $ allows more independence and in theory less stress to handle what life throws your way.one more comment health is the only thing that truly matters. The rest is secondary.