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Public Speaking Fear. Why it Feels so Scary.
Why Public Speaking Feels So Scary
Most people would rather wrestle an alligator than stand on a stage and speak to a room full of people. In fact, public speaking fear ranks higher than death for many, making it one of the most common anxieties people experience.
Speaking of death, Jerry Seinfeld famously joked that most people at a funeral would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.
But why? What is it about standing in front of an audience that turns otherwise confident professionals into nervous wrecks?
The Real Reason We Fear Public Speaking
In his book Free Play, Stephan Nachmanovich explains that Buddhist tradition speaks of five fears that block our liberation:
- Fear of loss of life
- Fear of loss of livelihood
- Fear of loss of reputation
- Fear of unusual states of mind
- Fear of speaking before an assembly
At first glance, public speaking seems far less threatening than the other fears. But if you dig deeper, you’ll realize this fear is actually a combination of two powerful anxieties:
- Fear of being thought a fool (loss of reputation)
- Fear of actually being a fool (fear of unusual states of mind)
No matter how much experience you have, these fears can feel overwhelming.
But First a Story:
My Most Terrifying Public Speaking Moment (And What It Taught Me)
Years ago, I was hired to deliver a keynote at a major corporate conference. It was a big event, and the stakes were high. The client had invested a lot of money, flown in executives from around the world, and put me on the main stage right before the CEO.
I stepped up to the microphone, looked out at the crowd, and… blanked. Completely.
My opening story, the one I had told a hundred times before, simply vanished from my mind. I stood there, frozen, while 1,200 pairs of eyes stared back at me.
In that moment, both of Nachmanovich’s fears hit me at once. Was I about to be thought a fool? Or worse, was I actually being a fool?
The fear of public speaking isn’t about forgetting what you want to say. It’s about what happens immediately after you forget.
Instead of panicking, I took a deep breath, smiled, and told the audience exactly what had happened.
“Well,” I said, “it turns out I was so excited to talk to you today that I completely forgot how I was going to start.”
The room burst into laughter, the tension broke, and I found my place. The rest of the talk went off without a hitch.
As I stepped off the stage, my client ran up and complimented me on planning such a unique opening to get the audience on my side right from the start.
“At first, I thought you really forgot what you were going to say. But then I realized you were toying with us. You totally got me! Great job. You’re a real pro.”
If he only knew…
How to Speak with Confidence (Even If You’re Terrified)
If you struggle with the fear of public speaking, remember these three things:
1. Your Audience Is Rooting for You
Your audience wants you to succeed. They’re not sitting there waiting for you to fail. Most people fear speaking because they assume the audience is judging them. In reality, they’re hoping you’ll deliver something valuable.
2. Be Authentic, Not Perfect
Authenticity beats perfection every time. People connect with real, relatable speakers, not robots delivering a memorized script. The more human you are, the more engaging you’ll be.
3. Embrace Your Nerves and Use Them to Your Advantage
Even after decades on stage, I still feel a rush of nerves before I speak. But I’ve learned to use that energy rather than let it stop me. Nervous energy is just excitement without a plan—so give it direction and channel it into your delivery.
Public speaking isn’t about eliminating fear. It’s about learning to stand in it, embrace it, and move forward confidently. Because courage is not about not being afraid. It’s about feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Every great speaker, leader, or performer has felt those nerves. The difference is that they don’t let fear make their decisions for them.
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P.S. No alligators. Just real-world strategies that work.
So true, most people way over stress on public speaking when in fact they know their material and generally even better than the audience. The key is to have a roadmap and remember that the audience has no idea what you are going to say or how you say it, so let your words flow and be confident. Hmmm… wonder who taught me some of the basic skills of a great delivery… Thanks Bruce!
A wise man once told to be sure and make my presentation “all about them.” My audience. He told me that over breakfast, just a couple of hours before I was to speak.
I threw away my prepared remarks and jotted down the key points. Then I used those key points as openings, and filled in the gaps extemporaneously. It turned out so much better.
PS- I also practice breathing exercises just before speaking. I find it calms me.
Thanks, wise man.
I remember that morning, Tim. And I remember the outcome. What’s particularly gratifying is what an important issue it was you were presenting for and what great things your advocacy accomplished for people who really deserved your help, expertise, and dedication.
Your blog really hit home for me today. I love how you always reinforce your message with a story. Your client was right….you are a real pro!
Thank you Dennis!!