What Hate Mail Taught Me About Personal Branding,
Empathy, and Perception

How empathy, perception, and trust define the personal brand you leave behind

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Personal branding has become one of those buzzwords tossed around like confetti at a New Year’s party. But real branding strategy is less about the words you choose and more about the empathy you display and the emotions you trigger. It’s not just who you say you are. It’s how people feel when they encounter you, your work, and your choices.

Sometimes, you discover what your brand really is when things fall apart, or in my case, when the hate mail starts pouring in.

But First, a Story

Years ago, I made the mistake of listening to my voicemail. Not the usual kind from clients who want to “circle back,” but the kind laced with venom and death threats.

This happened right after I resigned from my role as the brand pundit on a major news network. Why? Because they publicly supported separating children from their parents at the border. I couldn’t be part of that.

I thought I was stepping out. But I discovered I was stepping up.

When Branding Gets Personal

Within a day, my open letter to the network went viral. It trended on Yahoo. And the hate mail started flowing in.

Like the man who touches the hot plate to see how hot it really is, I started returning calls. I wasn’t looking for a fight. I was curious. Curious about the people on the other end of all that fury, and curious about why they were so angry.

A Hate Call That Changed My Mind

Most people didn’t answer. Almost everyone else hung up. But one woman did pick up. And for the next hour, we had a conversation that changed how I think about people, and about personal brand strategy.

She started with heat and vitriol. But eventually we found common ground. Her father and mine had both served in the Air Force. We were both raising children. I had my kids. She was raising her grandkids. Suddenly, we weren’t two opposing ideologies yelling across a chasm. We were two people, talking.

Why Perception Defines Your Brand

When our chat became less adversarial and more conversational, I asked her the question that had been burning in me:

“You decided to raise your grandchildren rather than have them taken away,” I said. “So why are you so angry that I resigned over children being taken from their families?”

She told me she was raising her grandkids because the government would have taken them away otherwise. She understood the system. She had lived it.

So I asked again: “Then why are you angry with me?”

She paused, then said something that knocked the wind out of me.

“Because you had what must have been a very good-paying job, and you walked away from it. How dare you turn down money like that when some of us are living on handouts and minimum wage?”

That moment knocked the wind out of me. It wasn’t political. It was personal.

As a brilliant friend later told me, it reminded her of an African proverb:
“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

What People See Becomes Your Brand

Your persona isn’t what you say. It’s what people see. It’s the emotions you leave behind.

In my world, resigning on principle was a moral stand. In hers, it looked like a luxury. A slap in the face. A performance she couldn’t afford.

I wasn’t branded by my values. I was branded by my perceived privilege.

Your Brand Walks In Before You Do

Here’s the thing: your brand walks into the room before you do.

Here’s the thing: your brand walks into the room before you do. It’s made of what you say, sure, but it’s also made of the assumptions people make, the context they carry, and the stories they tell themselves about people like you.

And if we’re not intentional about shaping that narrative, we leave it to chance. Or worse, to resentment.

Empathy Is the Foundation of Personal Branding

Too many people think personal branding is about dressing the part, building the platform, “owning the narrative.” But here’s what that woman taught me: branding starts with empathy.

• Do you know how you make people feel?
• Do you know what they think your choices say about them?
• Do you know what it means to walk in their shoes, even if they’re not your size?

Trust Is the Ultimate Brand Currency

Our conversation didn’t end in agreement. But it did end in understanding. And that’s the beginning of any strong brand. Not a slogan, not a statement, but a shared experience.

Because at the end of the day, your brand isn’t the résumé you post or the job you quit.

Your brand is the moment someone sees your choice and says, “I may not agree with them… but I understand why they think the way they do.”

And if you’re thoughtful, if your story aligns with your actions, they might even add, “And I trust them.”

That’s the real brand. That’s the only one worth building.

Key Lessons on Personal Branding from Unexpected Feedback

1. Your personal brand lives in the emotions you evoke, not just the words you use
2. People perceive your actions through their own lived experiences
3. Empathy is the first building block of brand authenticity
4. Trust emerges when your message and your behavior align
5. Branding is emotional, not transactional

Are You Ready to Build a Brand That Resonates?

If you’re ready to shape a personal brand rooted in empathy, clarity, and trust, let’s talk. I work with companies and keynote at conferences around the globe, and I still have a few dates open in 2026.

Because personal branding isn’t optional. It’s inevitable.

You can learn more at www.bruceturkel.com